New Year, Same You
On acceptance and gratitude as we head into 2024
Dear Readers,
Not wanting to repeat myself, I scrolled back twelve months to last year’s end-of-year missive and realized that, for the first time in my life, my resolutions for the coming year are exactly the same as they were last year:
“My goals these days are pretty simple: to keep writing; to keep reading and learning; to stay active; to make time for the man I love; and to live long enough so that one day the two of us might become that elderly couple on the plane, holding hands, exchanging glances, and smiling at the accumulation of however many years life gifts us.”
Then I took stock and realized that, despite several personal setbacks this year—a serious car crash; a broken hand; two surgeries to try to fuse my bottom lip back to my gums; my publisher omitting my paperback from the catalogue sent to booksellers; another surgery on my ears that cleared the blocked Eustachian tubes from a bout with Covid in 2022 but still left me mostly deaf; another round of Covid just this past month (three cheers for Paxlovid for keeping it short and, well, definitely not sweet but less intense); and the loss of a project and its income due to the WGA strike—2023 has been, by far, the best year of my fifty-seven tours around the sun. And do not take that fact for granted.
Why was it my favorite year despite its physical and financial setbacks? Three reasons:
For the first time in my life, I have a firm foundation of reciprocal love. When the shit hits the fan, he’s there for me and vice versa. I’m still getting used to this. Still learning to trust it after the difficult deceptions and emotional challenges in my past. Every morning when I wake up and see him, I feel lucky beyond any dream I might have had about what luck might look like. (And speaking of love: my daughter got engaged this year! He’s great. She met him when they were both working in the Peace Corps in Cameroon. We love him. The wedding’s planned for May of 2025.)
I have made it my goal, even during times of hardship, embarrassment, and pain, to simply be grateful for and accepting of all of it: the good, the bad, the bloody, the bonkers, and the bullshit. Phoenixes rise. Again and again. I know this by now. Plus comedy, I keep reminding myself, always equals tragedy plus time. Sometimes you just have to sit in those ashes, notice them, and let them sift through your fingers for a little while, knowing you’ll be able, at some point, to dust them off and maybe even turn them into a funny story one day.
This Substack publication, which has given me back my voice; provided a modest income; allowed me to really dig into what I want to say, study, read, and report rather than trying to mold my words and stories to fit a specific publication’s or editor’s needs; and has placed me in direct contact with you readers, many of whom have written me private notes that have made me cry as well as public notes some of you have allowed me to share, a sampling of which I will cut and paste below…
Do I worry about the year to come? Yes, I do. The situation in Israel and Palestine is untenable. We have an election coming up in which a treasonous, twice-impeached narcissist who has made it clear he wants to be a dictator might win again. Our climate is fucked. Women who need abortions are fucked. I could fill this whole paragraph and more with hundreds of reasons why we are all fucked and link to each one of them.
But sometimes you just have to take a deep breath, focus on the problems that are actually within your means to solve, and then lean in hard to that old AA adage, from which I will omit the god part because if He actually does exist—which I do not believe He does—He has certainly fallen down on the job once again this year. So let us all, as 2023 comes to a close, simply grant ourselves an acceptance the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Happy New Year, everyone. I am grateful to all of you.
Love, Deb
As always your words are always meaningful and comforting. Thrilled you have found “ safe harbor” and all is well for now . That’s all one can ask for and appreciate in these crazy times. Wishing you and your family a healthy New Year !
I really enjoyed this essay, which I am a bit late to reading. What you wrote about gratitude really resonated with me, as did what you wrote about your reciprocal loving relationship. I'm glad things are going so well for you. My wish for you for 2024 is that this good run continues, and gets even better.