Dear Neil Gaiman: consensual ≠ consent

Being in a consensual relationship does not mean one consents to everything the other demands. Particularly in an unequal power dynamic. Related: NDAs are another form of intimate partner violence.

This is a tricky one for me to write. For one, I know Neil Gaiman, subject of this recent article in New York Magazine. For another, I’ve been in a consensual relationship with a man, not Neil Gaiman, in which consent was neither asked for nor given for acts, unwanted, that took place within the presumed safety and sanctuary of that relationship. Moreov…