Tad Friend on Fathers and Sons, Husbands and Wives, and Surviving Infidelity
deborahcopaken.substack.com
What started as a literary excavation of his dying father turned into a forensic excavation of self. IN THE EARLY TIMES, by Tad Friend, is a brilliant new memoir of family and love, lost and found.
I've got a lot of admiration and respect for your friends, for their strength in vulnerability. That bit about how some aspects of the therapeutic process can feel "rote and infantilizing" but that it can open up a space to go deeper is so right on. I also appreciate how he described the evolution of his memoir which I can't wait to read!
"The second thing I’ve learned is that shifting my focus from “What do I want?” to “What does Amanda want and what’s the best way to make sure she gets it?” increases not just her happiness, but mine."
I was driving with my sister in law in the front passenger seat and my older brother in the back. It was a cold night, and I was explaining to my S-i-L how to adjust the heater, and told her to do whatever she wanted with it. Then I said, "If you're happy, I'm happy."
"You got that from your brother," she said. No, I said, I'd figured it out myself. I also hadn't known he'd figured that out. (But we'd both lived substantially longer by then than you, Deborah, or Tad.)
I love reading your updates in my inbox, and this one was touching, honest, and hits close to home for so many of us. I have ordered Tad's book from a local bookstore and thank you for the recommendation.
Mostly because I have been writing little vignettes about my parents (and since i've worked a lot on genealogy, so some stories go further back) and myself on my blog (I've recently been told blogs are for old people these days, but SO. BE. IT.) your article really grabbed my attention. Just downloaded the book to my Kindle. Thank you.
I've got a lot of admiration and respect for your friends, for their strength in vulnerability. That bit about how some aspects of the therapeutic process can feel "rote and infantilizing" but that it can open up a space to go deeper is so right on. I also appreciate how he described the evolution of his memoir which I can't wait to read!
When my 50 year old daughter tells a loving story about her Nana I know that the circle is complete: strong, brave and very independent women.
"The second thing I’ve learned is that shifting my focus from “What do I want?” to “What does Amanda want and what’s the best way to make sure she gets it?” increases not just her happiness, but mine."
I was driving with my sister in law in the front passenger seat and my older brother in the back. It was a cold night, and I was explaining to my S-i-L how to adjust the heater, and told her to do whatever she wanted with it. Then I said, "If you're happy, I'm happy."
"You got that from your brother," she said. No, I said, I'd figured it out myself. I also hadn't known he'd figured that out. (But we'd both lived substantially longer by then than you, Deborah, or Tad.)
I love reading your updates in my inbox, and this one was touching, honest, and hits close to home for so many of us. I have ordered Tad's book from a local bookstore and thank you for the recommendation.
Wow, this sounds like a book I’ll have to read.
Mostly because I have been writing little vignettes about my parents (and since i've worked a lot on genealogy, so some stories go further back) and myself on my blog (I've recently been told blogs are for old people these days, but SO. BE. IT.) your article really grabbed my attention. Just downloaded the book to my Kindle. Thank you.