Thank you, Marcia. Your acceptance of me in your daughter and son-in-law’s life is one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received. Bar none. Love you. So much.
Due to a surgical error, I lost all my hearing in one ear when I was 45, and some in my other due to aging. Reading this made me feel seen (heard?). Because I find it almost impossible to hear in loud restaurants, I have become great at having friends over for dinner or drinks (lots of mocktail options). The setting much more conducive to deep conversations. And thanks to the acoustics, I can hear them!
Thanks for this. I have been dealing with tinnitus for 15 years. Not the same as what you are working through, but it can be maddening and I have tried everything. Noisy restaurants are an assault. No more arena shows, even with earplugs. I can still enjoy some outdoor concerts or music at home, and I sure do love “Willin.”
Re osteoporosis: i take meds which have helped halt osteopenia. alendronate (generic fosamax). There can be some unpleasant side effects, such as heartburn, and I have some hacks. Many of my friends have full osteo and are taking meds, Prolia injections, and will be very interested in your work. I will forward when you post. I will call this medical condition an epidemic. Is it that we are living longer or is it related to smoking in younger years or something else or many factors? Thank you for the work you are doing.
Re tinnitus, mine is constant, too. I’ve had to make friends with it. Every morning, I wake up and greet it. “Oh, hi, tinnitus! You’re still here!” Then I put in my hearing aids and that “muffles” it a bit as other sounds take over. But it’s always there. No matter what. Have you tried hearing aids? Re Fosomax, yes it builds bone density, but it’s unclear if that builds bone resilience. HRT does build bone resilience, and I’m already on that. Plus weight lifting. Which I’ve also started.
Thank you for this. A close friend is nearly totally deaf and experiences many of the same issues you described living in a silent world. I sent him your article after reading it. His response was very emotional and he is deeply affected by reading your words that so closely mirror his world and the emotional impact that deafness brings in a world where hearing is a given - the isolation, loneliness and the memories of sounds he holds onto.
As a part time lovers, it's been really important to me to understand his reality, especially during our interactions (the hearing aids, how he feels music and our ability to communicate - which we've since discovered works in very interesting ways). Your article gave me more insight into his world. And most especially, it let him know he's not alone. Your ability to make it all understandable and coherent in plain language gave him a meaningful and hopeful experience of another person who lives in a silent world. He said,
"She described me to a T, she was describing the world I live in..."
Oh wow! Thank you for this note! I wasn’t going to write about the sex aspect, but I deal with that part every day. It’s part of my reality. And I felt it was important to describe it. Thanks for letting me know your friend appreciated it.
I am always pleased when I see your posts about your hearing loss. Certainly, not because I am pleased that you HAVE a hearing loss! Goodness gracious NO! I'm pleased because you do such a wonderful job of bringing hearing loss -- and living with a hearing loss -- into focus and discussion. As someone who has had a hearing loss since college (a progressive one and now severe to profound), and as a clinical psychologist whose research and clinical work focuses on psychosocial issues related to hearing loss, I can confidently state that hearing loss is ALWAYS psychologically significant. And it's psychologically significant for the individual with the hearing loss. It's psychologically significant for family members, partners, and spouses, who live with an individual with a hearing loss. I want to draw attention to a national organization that focuses on this very issue: Hearing Loss Association of America (HLAA). It started out as a self-help group (back during the self-help movement). But it has grown over the years to become an instrumental force in advocating for public policy, healthcare reforms, patient advocacy, and public awareness regarding hearing loss. I encourage your readers who have a hearing loss, or know someone who has a hearing loss -- which includes essentially all of the readers here, to check out HLAA's website: https://www.hearingloss.org/. HLAA's website has a video recording of its Year 2023 Research Symposium on music and hearing loss. You might also find Dr. Nina Kraus' research and presentations regarding hearing loss, music, and cognition especially interesting. Here are some links to a couple of her wonderful presentations:
Oh wow. I can’t wait to read all of these links. Thank you for taking the time to send them. And yes. It’s always psychologically significant. But one thing I’ve discovered about myself over the years is my capacity for resilience. And I thought I’d talk about it here, for what it’s worth. In case it helps others reframe their losses, too. Thank you!
In case it's helpful regarding osteoporosis, a friend recommended AlgaeCal, a supplement out of Canada which is getting good results with prevention and rebuilding bone density. (I'm not here to convince or sell anything, just passing on the info. I've had minor osteoporosis in my hip and lower back which did not worsen for the past four years, so it wasn't an emergency...but still, I wanted to stop any more bone loss.) I looked at the company website and their results and decided to try it for the next few years and see. My doctor here in Oregon said several of her patients are taking AlgaeCal and she is interested and curious to see the results. I'm 67 and my next DEXA scan won't be for 4 years.
Thanks for posting this. You’re so right about ASL, for both hearing and hearing-impaired people.
You can add “talking during classes and meetings without texting” to the list of mad ASL skills. I was envious during med school lectures watching friends discreetly and silently chat.
Deborah, I would love for you to have a conversation with my daughter, Elizabeth, who is 28 and has worn hearing aids since she was three. One of these days you'll meet. I imagine you two could have a very interesting conversation. In the meantime, I'm going to share your essay with her. I found it really moving.
Deb I love your writing and insights and thank you for helping the hearing understand becoming deaf. I discovered I had otosclerosis in my right ear when I was 32 and by 37 was wearing hearing aides in both ears. I’m totally deaf without aides. I loved all the comments and resources mentioned here in comments. I also love seeing the loss as a gain. My favorite part about my loss is that I hear things that are so funny to me because I’m not hearing them right. I also love that I can’t hear loud noises or screaming children on airplanes. I can relate to the wonderful nights rest while others didn’t sleep at all due to noise. It feels comforting to know there’s a community of others in this situation. Thanks for sharing!
Yes! The funny things. We call that “Donald Beck.” My partner once said, “Don’t hold back,” and I answered, “Who’s Donald Beck?” So many misheard words! 😂
I am very interested in reading your opinions on osteoporosis medicine. I have osteoporosis but after reading so much about the side effects from all the different medicines have so far decided against taking the medicine. The very popular endocrinologist I went to dismissed my concerns about some people having effects on their jaw and teeth. I told her my dentist had seen 10 to 15 cases (supposedly a 1 in 250,00 chance which doesn't sound right if a local dentist has seen 10 to 15 cases). She said dentists don't know anything. I think a lot of women start taking medicine and then stop without telling their doctor so the numbers are not accurate. There is a website that people who have had side effects write about them. Will send in next comment.
The website is www.inspire.com There are a lot of different topics and I haven't gone on in awhile because I felt like those numbers were also skewed because it was only people who had side effects from the medicine. You are such a great writer and explain things so well I know I will learn so much more from reading what you think after you do all your research.
I hate loud restaurants. There was one particular restaurant in Cambridge that I loved, until they started playing loud, obnoxious music. I never went there again. I don't understand why restaurants do that, unless they're trying to increase turnover so they can make more money.
For those in the Boston area who hate restaurants that play loud music, I highly recommend https://savinosgrill.com/ in Belmont. Quiet, beautiful ambiance, good food, and not expensive.
I discovered this whole category pillows when I had damage to my ear cartilage. Who knew?? I also wear hearing aids so even though my ear is fully healed I continue to sleep with one hearing aid. I love my holy pillow! I currently live alone and being able to hear what’s going on (or not) gives me peace of mind!
OMG!!! I had no idea!!! Which one do you have? I just googled ear hole pillow and so many came up. If you have a favorite, I'll buy one immediately. This will be life changing, thank you!
Beautifully written. Thank you.
Thank YOU!
How wonderful to know oneself this well and to be able to express and to share it with the rest of us.
Thank you, Marcia. Your acceptance of me in your daughter and son-in-law’s life is one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received. Bar none. Love you. So much.
Due to a surgical error, I lost all my hearing in one ear when I was 45, and some in my other due to aging. Reading this made me feel seen (heard?). Because I find it almost impossible to hear in loud restaurants, I have become great at having friends over for dinner or drinks (lots of mocktail options). The setting much more conducive to deep conversations. And thanks to the acoustics, I can hear them!
Ha! Yes. I “hear” you, too. ❤️
Thanks for this. I have been dealing with tinnitus for 15 years. Not the same as what you are working through, but it can be maddening and I have tried everything. Noisy restaurants are an assault. No more arena shows, even with earplugs. I can still enjoy some outdoor concerts or music at home, and I sure do love “Willin.”
Re osteoporosis: i take meds which have helped halt osteopenia. alendronate (generic fosamax). There can be some unpleasant side effects, such as heartburn, and I have some hacks. Many of my friends have full osteo and are taking meds, Prolia injections, and will be very interested in your work. I will forward when you post. I will call this medical condition an epidemic. Is it that we are living longer or is it related to smoking in younger years or something else or many factors? Thank you for the work you are doing.
Re tinnitus, mine is constant, too. I’ve had to make friends with it. Every morning, I wake up and greet it. “Oh, hi, tinnitus! You’re still here!” Then I put in my hearing aids and that “muffles” it a bit as other sounds take over. But it’s always there. No matter what. Have you tried hearing aids? Re Fosomax, yes it builds bone density, but it’s unclear if that builds bone resilience. HRT does build bone resilience, and I’m already on that. Plus weight lifting. Which I’ve also started.
Thanks for this Deb. I have been wondering about connections with Covid and hearing. Generally about auto immune responses in the inner ear canal.
It sucks. But whatcha gonna do but dance?
Thank you for this. A close friend is nearly totally deaf and experiences many of the same issues you described living in a silent world. I sent him your article after reading it. His response was very emotional and he is deeply affected by reading your words that so closely mirror his world and the emotional impact that deafness brings in a world where hearing is a given - the isolation, loneliness and the memories of sounds he holds onto.
As a part time lovers, it's been really important to me to understand his reality, especially during our interactions (the hearing aids, how he feels music and our ability to communicate - which we've since discovered works in very interesting ways). Your article gave me more insight into his world. And most especially, it let him know he's not alone. Your ability to make it all understandable and coherent in plain language gave him a meaningful and hopeful experience of another person who lives in a silent world. He said,
"She described me to a T, she was describing the world I live in..."
Thank you from both of us.
Deeply, truly .... 🤗
Oh wow! Thank you for this note! I wasn’t going to write about the sex aspect, but I deal with that part every day. It’s part of my reality. And I felt it was important to describe it. Thanks for letting me know your friend appreciated it.
I am always pleased when I see your posts about your hearing loss. Certainly, not because I am pleased that you HAVE a hearing loss! Goodness gracious NO! I'm pleased because you do such a wonderful job of bringing hearing loss -- and living with a hearing loss -- into focus and discussion. As someone who has had a hearing loss since college (a progressive one and now severe to profound), and as a clinical psychologist whose research and clinical work focuses on psychosocial issues related to hearing loss, I can confidently state that hearing loss is ALWAYS psychologically significant. And it's psychologically significant for the individual with the hearing loss. It's psychologically significant for family members, partners, and spouses, who live with an individual with a hearing loss. I want to draw attention to a national organization that focuses on this very issue: Hearing Loss Association of America (HLAA). It started out as a self-help group (back during the self-help movement). But it has grown over the years to become an instrumental force in advocating for public policy, healthcare reforms, patient advocacy, and public awareness regarding hearing loss. I encourage your readers who have a hearing loss, or know someone who has a hearing loss -- which includes essentially all of the readers here, to check out HLAA's website: https://www.hearingloss.org/. HLAA's website has a video recording of its Year 2023 Research Symposium on music and hearing loss. You might also find Dr. Nina Kraus' research and presentations regarding hearing loss, music, and cognition especially interesting. Here are some links to a couple of her wonderful presentations:
https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/noisy-world How our brain makes sense of a noisy world, with Nina Kraus, PhD, American Psych Association
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43I_PHyb_K8 Music and the Mind with Dr. Nina Kraus SoundHealth 2018
Oh wow. I can’t wait to read all of these links. Thank you for taking the time to send them. And yes. It’s always psychologically significant. But one thing I’ve discovered about myself over the years is my capacity for resilience. And I thought I’d talk about it here, for what it’s worth. In case it helps others reframe their losses, too. Thank you!
In case it's helpful regarding osteoporosis, a friend recommended AlgaeCal, a supplement out of Canada which is getting good results with prevention and rebuilding bone density. (I'm not here to convince or sell anything, just passing on the info. I've had minor osteoporosis in my hip and lower back which did not worsen for the past four years, so it wasn't an emergency...but still, I wanted to stop any more bone loss.) I looked at the company website and their results and decided to try it for the next few years and see. My doctor here in Oregon said several of her patients are taking AlgaeCal and she is interested and curious to see the results. I'm 67 and my next DEXA scan won't be for 4 years.
Thank you for this. I’ll look into it!
Thank you for this beautiful text!
Thank YOU for your lovely note.
Thanks for posting this. You’re so right about ASL, for both hearing and hearing-impaired people.
You can add “talking during classes and meetings without texting” to the list of mad ASL skills. I was envious during med school lectures watching friends discreetly and silently chat.
Ha! Yes. I need to learn it.
Deborah, I would love for you to have a conversation with my daughter, Elizabeth, who is 28 and has worn hearing aids since she was three. One of these days you'll meet. I imagine you two could have a very interesting conversation. In the meantime, I'm going to share your essay with her. I found it really moving.
Oh I’d love that!
Deb I love your writing and insights and thank you for helping the hearing understand becoming deaf. I discovered I had otosclerosis in my right ear when I was 32 and by 37 was wearing hearing aides in both ears. I’m totally deaf without aides. I loved all the comments and resources mentioned here in comments. I also love seeing the loss as a gain. My favorite part about my loss is that I hear things that are so funny to me because I’m not hearing them right. I also love that I can’t hear loud noises or screaming children on airplanes. I can relate to the wonderful nights rest while others didn’t sleep at all due to noise. It feels comforting to know there’s a community of others in this situation. Thanks for sharing!
Yes! The funny things. We call that “Donald Beck.” My partner once said, “Don’t hold back,” and I answered, “Who’s Donald Beck?” So many misheard words! 😂
I am very interested in reading your opinions on osteoporosis medicine. I have osteoporosis but after reading so much about the side effects from all the different medicines have so far decided against taking the medicine. The very popular endocrinologist I went to dismissed my concerns about some people having effects on their jaw and teeth. I told her my dentist had seen 10 to 15 cases (supposedly a 1 in 250,00 chance which doesn't sound right if a local dentist has seen 10 to 15 cases). She said dentists don't know anything. I think a lot of women start taking medicine and then stop without telling their doctor so the numbers are not accurate. There is a website that people who have had side effects write about them. Will send in next comment.
Exactly. I’m still gathering info. I’ll report back when I’m done.
The website is www.inspire.com There are a lot of different topics and I haven't gone on in awhile because I felt like those numbers were also skewed because it was only people who had side effects from the medicine. You are such a great writer and explain things so well I know I will learn so much more from reading what you think after you do all your research.
Thank you. I’ll check it out.
I hate loud restaurants. There was one particular restaurant in Cambridge that I loved, until they started playing loud, obnoxious music. I never went there again. I don't understand why restaurants do that, unless they're trying to increase turnover so they can make more money.
For those in the Boston area who hate restaurants that play loud music, I highly recommend https://savinosgrill.com/ in Belmont. Quiet, beautiful ambiance, good food, and not expensive.
Thanks!
I have three words for you: Ear Hole Pillow
I discovered this whole category pillows when I had damage to my ear cartilage. Who knew?? I also wear hearing aids so even though my ear is fully healed I continue to sleep with one hearing aid. I love my holy pillow! I currently live alone and being able to hear what’s going on (or not) gives me peace of mind!
OMG!!! I had no idea!!! Which one do you have? I just googled ear hole pillow and so many came up. If you have a favorite, I'll buy one immediately. This will be life changing, thank you!
My pillow is a Blissbury, emphasis on bliss! Welcome to the club you never knew existed, nor expected to join, but here you are.
Thank you! I hope there's a secret club handshake.
No handshake just signs!🤞👍🫶