11 Comments

Deborah- Such an informative , somewhat mind blowing article. Unfortunately, not surprising in the world and times we’re living in . I’m plan on sharing it with all I know . Also , terribly sorry for the Daily Mail article that tried ( but never will ) tarnish your present life situation with a truly special guy:) No words …but “ keep doing what you’re doing” 👍🏻

Expand full comment

Ha! Thank you!

Expand full comment

Fascinating as usual. And I enjoyed the Modern Love column, which I wouldn't have seen without you're mentioning it. And, the conversation with Josie Cox takes me back to a book I've recently started reading--The Nordic Theory of Everything: In Search of a Better Life, by Anu Partenan. It's about Finland's solid social safety net. Finns never have to worry about paying for healthcare, paying for education, etc. (And it's similar in the other Scandinavian countries.) When a baby is born, both parents get a half year's PAID leave from their jobs. Which they can take however they want. They usually take it in sequence, so that the baby gets a year with parents before starting preschool (which is paid for by the state).

With all that support from the state, Finns never have to worry about scarcity, which, you, Deborah, know all about--the worries and the stress. This is probably the most important article I've read in my 50-odd years of reading important articles

https://www.harvardmagazine.com/2015/04/the-science-of-scarcity

And, finally, fun fact: very early in my writing career, in the early '80s, I did an article on the landscaping in Brooksley Born's yard. She and her husband were very nice people. At some point, I showed my brother, who worked at the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation. Do you know who she is, he asked me. She was the most important woman in something or other, and I don't remember exactly what that was, and her Wikipedia is so long that I'm not sure, having just read it, exactly what he was referring to, but she's incredibly accomplished.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brooksley_Born

Expand full comment

Yes. I’ve been screaming about Finland for years now. We are so awful to our families. Funny about Ms. Born!

Expand full comment

Had I known in my 20s or 30s just how advanced the Scandinavian countries were, and how we were going to be backsliding some, I think I would have moved to one of them. I'm not certain though. I love American geography, and my personal connections are strong here.

Expand full comment

I think that if I had had:

1. Enough sleep growing up and through my main working years

2. Enough information and care for UTIs

I, too, would be a millionaire and running a fortune 500 company.

I am 62 now and finally am getting enough sleep (8-9 hours solid!) and have the UTI's figured out. And my mind/body feel better than when I was 20.

Expand full comment

I have a UTI right now. I feel you. Ugh.

Expand full comment

Thanks for this post, which confirms so much about what we already understand about our sh*tty healthcare system and work reality for women. The only way I was able to make motherhood work was to be self-employed, but that meant paying for my health insurance. And it has always been awful and a battle, no matter which plan I've had. As you both point out in your conversation, “leaning in” is just BS without quality healthcare and childcare for women. Most of us are not millionaires. Our current system makes life so hard for working women and wastes so much talent.

Expand full comment

I was hoping things would get better for our daughters. But it’s just getting worse.

Expand full comment

My kid told me they are thinking of cancelling their health insurance. But I pointed out that we are all one small calamity away from bankruptcy. Who knew I would be so excited to get Medicare?! Which is what we should all have all the time, just like what the GOP Congress members have who all say they want to get rid of ACA. I want what they have. We all deserve that.

Expand full comment

Deborah: Can you find out what book this is that Josie Cox referred to: “book about influential women in America, and the author says that when we reflect on the 20th century, all roads will lead to Pauli Murray.”? It sounds like one to read. Thank you!

Expand full comment